I’ve been fighting demons again.
The struggle becomes so difficult that I’m my own enemy. My mind becomes a weapon against me.
My walls are so damn high and I am just lost.
I need to get back into therapy before it becomes too late.
I used to love so easily and freely. I gave myself to those who didn’t deserve it, sacrificing myself in the process.
Lately I don’t even recognize myself.
I feel so unloved and unwanted, not only by others but even I don’t even want me. I feel so unloved and closed. I hurt.
A lot.
I don’t know what to do.
I sit in my solitude. It is so quiet but at the same time I hear my mind just screaming. I wish it would just stop.
The lies. I know my mind is lying but sometimes is just easier to just accept the fact that I’m not worthy of a life of love and laughter. I’m not worthy of someone’s time. I’ve become an afterthought or even just a booty call and that’s all I deserve.
My mind is a liar and I just accept it.
I don’t know how to ask for help.
Tears stream down my face as I type this.
Every day I just feel more broken.
