A Beautiful Emotional Mess

I dropped my Coke on the garage floor and stood over it and cried.

I'm a mess emotionally lately.

I haven't been sleeping.  I haven't been eating.

I put on a happy face and fake it to the world but in private, my face is sad.

I feel so alone lately.

I worry that it is only going to get worse.  My son is grown and moved out.  My daughter is a teenager and doing her own thing.

I read some where that loneliness is a faster cause of death than smoking. 

I miss having someone to love and to love me as I deserve.  This time of year is the hardest.  

I tend to feel unlovable and worthless.  I feel that men never want to be the person that I deserve.  I just build a wall around myself and wallow in my self pity.

Hell, I fear commitment.  Every relationship I've had just blew up into ugly.

But I can't just give up.

So I stood over my Coke and cried.