Sometimes I have the idea of what I want to write but the hardest part is starting the dialog.
I often find myself wanting to apologize for my feelings. When I express how I feel I worry that I might hurt or offend who I am expressing to. I have tried to find some understanding as to why I tend to do this. I have given advice to others that we are entitled to have our feelings and shouldn't have to apologize for them and yet I do it.
Recently, I have expressed my feelings to someone on how I didn't deserve to be treated a certain way. I wasn't loud about it and I wasn't vulgar in calling names. I just expressed my feelings of being hurt and not understanding why he felt that it was ok to treat me a certain way.
I am fighting the urge to apologize for expressing how I feel. I am uncertain why. I wasn't the shitty one.
I am what is considered to be a guarded girl. I have loved and loved deeply only to be hurt by that person I loved. My walls are up and my heart is scarred.
Many have hurt me, left me and I often feel unlovable to a fault.
I never understand why no one wants to step up and be that person that I deserve. We all deserve to have 100% of someone. Imagine how it would feel to have that in a relationship.
I promise that I am that guarded girl who, once my heart is opened, I would love the total shit out of you.
Life is way too short for shitty relationships.
I am no longer going to apologize for my feelings.
If you hurt me, I will let you know. I will not want a response or an apology. I will simply walk away.
There is someone out there who is more deserving of what I have to offer.
That someone will be one lucky son of a bitch.
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