Shitstorm

I hesitate to write this.  I've been silent for so long while a shitstorm is brewing around me.

This is a continuation of my blog entry, A Total Miscarriage of Justice.

December 1, 2017 is a day I will remember as one of the worse days of my life.

Everyday from the day the judge ordered in favor of the eviction up until December 1st and after has been hell.

After the court hearing, I started packing.  I had to get everything packed and out of the house as fast as I could.  I couldn't risk getting kicked out without having all of my belongings safe.

Once everything was out and stored in a safe place, I still couldn't rest.  It was just a wait until my new place was ready to move into on December 1st.  I was in a constant state of anxiety just waiting for that knock at the door from the sheriff.

We stayed in an empty house on air mattresses, just hoping we had time and we weren't going to be homeless for a couple of days.  I also became so incredibly angry with the ex for allowing this all to happen.

On December 1st, I had the help of my friend, kids and dad to gt everything moved into our new place.  I was and still am in constant fear that the crazy bitch will find me and my daughter.

We had almost everything moved in and I get a phone call from the local police asking me what I was going to do with my dog that was still at the house.  I felt me skin go white.  I asked him why was he at the house and that we weren't done moving yet.  He said he was at the house with the bitch and that they wanted to know what to do with the dog.  I said I was going to be right over and hung up.

When we get there, she is yelling and screaming and dragging my dog out of the house in her kennel.  I'm yelling at her to let go and the cop is yelling at her to let go.


We get the dog taken care of.  I told the officer that there are still two cats in the house and that that crazy bitch is in the house illegally.  He said that she has the paperwork and when I asked to see it, he wouldn't let me see it.

My son opened the garage door using the code.  My car is still in the garage.  She comes storming out screaming that I am trespassing and she closes the garage door.  I'm yelling that she's in the house illegally and the cop is yelling that he will cite us both.

Total chaos.

She gets the garage door closed.

My daughter asks about the cats.  The cop wouldn't let anyone in.  My daughter explains that her dad is in the house so the cop lets her go in.

Kate grabs my coat off the counter.  (I assume she is going to use it to wrap the cat in it). That crazy bitch grabs my daughter and throws her down on the floor right in front of the cop and her father.  I hear my daughter crying and the cop yelling about disorderly conduct.  The bitch is yelling at the cop and my ex.  I assumed that my daughter was crying because the cat scratched her.  I only learned about the assault afterwards when I was called to the station to press charges.

A second cop shows up.

The bitch is inside going nuts.  I hear her yelling at my ex who is telling her to give me my stuff.  The cop is yelling at her.  My kids, my friend and I are all standing outside with the second cop.

The second cop tells me that she has never seen anything like this.  Clearly the bitch entered the house illegally.  She was supposed to have the sheriff serve paperwork before the house could legally be entered.

I decided to call the sheriff's office since they do evictions and our local police do not.  I knew it was wrong for the bitch to be in the house and to keep my car and the rest of my stuff.

Yes, she was going to keep my car.

While waiting for the sheriff, my ex comes out with my bedding.  It is soaking wet.  I asked him why in the hell it was wet.  He said it was on the bathroom floor.  I knew I left it on the kitchen counter and why in the hell was it wet.

I glance in the front door, there was water in the hallway.  I look my ex in the eye and say, "that crazy bitch flooded the house".  He said that there was water all over the basement and the upstairs bathrooms as well.  

I just could not believe the level of crazy and this story isn't even over yet.

A sheriff deputy shows up and goes right in the house.  There is more yelling.

My daughter is still trying to catch the cats.

So much chaos....

A second deputy shows up.

More yelling.

The cats are finally caught and secured in cars.

My daughter is being comforted by the cop who is outside with us.

Yelling and screaming inside the house.

At one point the cop outside with us must have seen the bitch lunge at one of the officers in the house.  She puts her hand on her gun and prepares to enter the house.  She apologized to us and explained that officer safety is her priority.

Finally our local cop comes out and explains that the sheriff deputies have explained that she is in the house illegally and that I am free to take my car and go.

I am allowed in the garage and go to get into my car and notice that there is glass all over the seat.  I look up and my windshield is smashed and a tire iron is laying my the car.

My heart sank.

I called the cop over and showed him.  I took a picture and he said just get in and go.

I look up and the two deputies are trying to hold the bitch back in the garage doorway.  She was trying to come after me.

There are no words to fully explain how I feel.  It has been a couple of months since this happened.

I am still very angry.  I constantly look over my shoulder.  That crazy bitch is incredibly violent.  She has physically attacked my ex.  She cannot know where I live.  I'm escorted out of work.  I worry for my daughter's safety.

There is so much more to this shitstorm that what I can say or write about at this time.

To be continued...

Never Really Been Loved by a Hand That Touched Me

It's about two hours before the New Year here.  I am sitting home alone in bed drinking a glass of cola.

Exciting eh?

Lately I've had a lot on my mind about my single status. 

I turned fourty eight a week ago.  I think my last relationship was about 6ish years ago.  It ended badly.  He lied and cheated.  It has taken me a long time to get past it.

Maybe I'm not past it.

The lyrics of a Matchbox 20 song, Push, roll around in my head.

"And I don't know if I've ever been really loved by a hand that touched me,

And I feel like something's gonna give,

And I'm a little bit angry."

Looking back on all the past years I don't think I have ever really been loved.  I have been told that I was loved but I've never felt it.

I have never had a man care about my well being or my feelings or even bent over backwards to do something nice for me.

I've been married twice and have never had a romantic proposal.  One was where he tossed the ring on the table and the other came home drunk and just said "let's get married".  

What the hell?

I've been taken advantage of, cheated on, left, used and just treated like a non-person.

I'm angry about it.

I am a good person with a big heart.  

However, the heart is very guarded.  My eyes well up with tears as I type this because it is so sad to realize the truth.

Sometimes I wonder why no one asks me out to dinner or a movie.  Or when they ask me out, it seems that they have a hidden agenda.  I sense sexual over tones in messages and turn them down.

I'm an empath, its what I do.

All this time, I never followed my senses.  I thought that if someone got to know me, they would love me.  They would want my love.

It never happened that way.

So here I sit alone again.

Birthday Blog

In a few hours I was born 48 years ago.

I struggle a bit with this birthday for some reason.  I'm not turning 50 or 60.  I wasn't angry when I turned 40.  For some odd reason, I hate the fact that I will be 48.

Mom has been gone for over 4 years now.  Her telling the story of my birth resonates in my mind.  We used to get drunk on red wine and she would tell the tale of being in labor, wanting that last cigarette four times, making my dad drive all over looking at lights, the doctor being MIA and the nuns putting her to sleep.

I popped out 48 minutes after midnight.

I am almost positive that if the events didn't happen, my birthday would be today.

I think the main reason that this birthday upsets me is the fact every day when I walk into work, there is a countdown to Christmas.  This countdown also is to my birthday.  This countdown reminds me of the days to when my mom isn't here to tell the story of my birth.

Jesus may have his story told over and over.

I miss mine.

A Total Miscarriage of Justice

I never in a million years expected something so horrible could happen to my family.

This blog has been written and deleted and rewritten again because I wasn't too sure I wanted to share or if I wanted to keep it to myself.

So I guess sharing won.

To give some history....

I was married once to a guy and we had a kid.  We bought a house.  We had problems and divorce.  The kids and I moved out.  (My son was from a previous nightmare relationship.)  

Fast forward ten years....

My kids and I were living in a small apartment and the neighbors were giving the police lots of business.  I approached my ex since he bought a new house and our old house was sitting vacant for two years. I offered to buy it from him on land contract.  

We saw a lawyer but never finalized things.

My dumb ass moved us in anyway, trusting this man to follow through with finalizing everything.

Fourteen months go by.....14!

His new girlfriend doesn't like the idea of any of this,

She gets herself involved.  She gets him to sign a power of attorney.

She files for eviction.

SHE. FILES.

Not him

This eviction goes to court and then is dismissed on a technical issue.

I agreed to be moved out by December 15th.  

I agreed!!!!  

A second eviction was filed by her six days after the first eviction was dismissed.

SIX DAYS!!!

Even after I said I was moving out.

Second eviction was filed by her without him even knowing she did it.

SERIOUSLY!!!

My ex said he was going to get the second eviction dismissed.  He told me this in person.  He said this in front of his daughter.  He said he was going to call me the next day. 

He never called so I called him..... six times.

He never answered.

I get a phone call from the chief of our local police department telling me to stop harassing my ex and that I am not allowed to call him again.

SERIOUSLY!!!

So I put together an answer to the complaint and went to court today.  The judge asked if I had anything in writing regarding the land contract, the agreements of my move out date, the dismissal.....

Of course my trusting dumb ass never thought about getting anything in writing.

And then the judge said that I had plenty of time to make arrangements to move out with my ex.  When I explained that there was no way to contact my ex since I get a trespassing ticket if I knock on his door (the girlfriend's doing) and I can't call him, the judge said that he is finding in favor of the eviction.

I was stunned.

I have a signed lease with my new place and can't move in until December 1st. 

The judge didn't care.

I mentioned that my daughter's father is making her homeless.

The judge didn't care. 

My daughter's father just allowed her to become homeless.

This man didn't even have the balls to come to court.  He gave his shitty girlfriend power of attorney over my property.  He hasn't even been with this twat for a whole year.

I came home to a sobbing child and I can't make this better.

I tried calling the ex's mother to try to get her to have him call me.  I explained what happened and how upset my daughter is and as that woman was hanging up, I heard her laughing.

The grandmother was laughing.

WTF!


We have about three days before the sheriff comes to remove us.  We will not have any access to any of our property that is left here.

I cannot believe how quickly this whole mess went wrong.  I keep thinking that this is a nightmare and that it isn't happening.

It is right before the holidays.

How does a father allow this to happen?  What kind of grandmother laughs at her granddaughter's sorrow?  What kind of family does this?

WTF!!!

I am thankful for my family and all of their support.  Even if they are hundreds of miles away, they are here for me.

I am thankful for my friends for the offers of help.  Many have offered to store our belongings and take in our animals until our new place is ready.  I am also thankful for those who have offered us a place to sleep for the next two weeks.

Even in this awful time, I am thankful for those who care.

I've Never Met An Evil Atheist

My title in no way is intended to offend anyone.

I never judge anyone on their religion.  I never talk about my beliefs, however, I am a non believer.

With that being said....

Let's get on with what I really want to write about.

The last four weeks have been trying to say the least.  I cannot discuss what is really going on for the interwebs have eyes and I have someone who isn't very nice and is more than likely to use whatever against me.

However, I will discuss something that irks me.

There are Christians whom I have encounters who claim to be Christian but they seem to be the most awful, evil people out there.  They are openly judgmental and rude. They don't care who they hurt or how they present themselves.

But these people are Christians.  They hang pictures of Jesus in the home.  They tote bibles around with them.  They go to church every Sunday.

Blah blah blah....

I call bullshit on their fake ass facade.

Perhaps they do all these things in order to seek atonement for their sins.  They seek out forgiveness for the harm and hurt they cause others.

I refuse to go to church because I cannot sit among hypocrites.

I am sure there will be someone reading this who will say that all the bad things that have happened to me or will happen to me is because I am an atheist.

Nope.

The bad things that have happened to me usually stem from some Christian who cannot seem to follow God's word.

I refuse to believe in some higher power just to justify someone's idea of how to be a good person.

I am good and kind.  I empathize with others.  I know right from wrong.

I don't need religion to be that person.

This entry stems from my severe anger involving a current issue.  I am in no way claiming that all Christians are hypocrites and I am in no way claiming that Atheists are stellar citizens either.

I just wish we all just stop hurting each other.

Write Like No One is Reading

I wish I could write like I used to.  It was so easy to put my thoughts out there.  It always helped to clear my head.  Hell, I have blogged for years.  I used to blog on MySpace.  (Remember MySpace?)

Now, since I've received a few anonymous letters in the mail dissing me because of what I write, I tend to second guess everything.  I friggin hate that.

So, I am just going to type away and see where this goes.

It is going to be a pain in the ass though because I am blogging on an iPad.

Today I spent time trying to be distracted.  I have a court hearing tomorrow for something totally bullshit.  This is something I won't type about until it's over because sometimes shit can go south and if it does, I'm going to need to vent.

I also have a lot going on in my head.

Lately ive been feeling stuck.  I am tired of living the way I live.  I'm lonely.  I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm confused.

Why is life so difficult?

I thought I deserved better. I work hard. I studied hard. I love hard. I care about people.

None of it seems to matter.

How do other people do it?

I have goals and dreams.  How in the hell do I achieve them?

I guess this will need more thought.

My depression hasn't been too horrible.  I've been trying to do all the right things like eating right, sleeping right, doing my hobby, yadda yadda.  So there's that.

I'm hoping tomorrow goes well and then I'll go from there.

The Note

I received an anonymous note through the mail yesterday.

It was poorly written and if it was meant to intimidate me, it failed.

As I have written about before in Anonymity is the Voice of Cowards, when someone chooses to remain anonymous they are cowards.  They cannot just come out and voice their opinions.

This was the third anonymous letter I have received by way of mail.  It is also the third one on file with the local police.

People are insane these days.

If this person expects to change my behavior by way of a note, they are sadly mistaken.  

There are details in the note that only point to one person who may have sent it.  I will not call them out.  It is sad that they are so focused on what I am doing or not doing that they cannot seem to find anything else to direct their energy on.

So again, whoever took the time to type up this little note isn't really anonymous at all.  They are a heartless, petty, ugly, horrible person.

They suck at anonymity.

I know exactly who they are.