Angry Angry Hippos

It amazes me how much anger I can have bottled up.  I don't really let it out in constructive ways either.

I can almost feel my insides shaking with it.  It crawls under my skin.

I think anger is just an extension of my depression.

I stay depressed and then it manifests into something quite ugly.  For some reason it gets to that level sometimes.  I never really know what triggers the flip from one feeling to the other.

I am angry because my brother brings up my mom.  It isn't his fault because he doesn't know the whole story of the narcissistic parent/daughter thing going on.  I don't dare tell him because I don't think he would get it and that will just turn into something incredibly ugly.

I am also angry because I feel used.  I loaned money to a "friend".  (ya ya...I know the lecture) and of course this was a couple of years ago and he still hasn't paid me back.  He was supposed to pay me back two months after I loaned it to him.  Now I see him posting about going here and there and of course it requires spending money.  Jackass.....

I am angry for not being able to allow myself to spend my very first bonus on something I want.  I wanted a tv, so I looked at tvs.  Did I buy one?  Nope.  I wanted a sewing machine, so I looked at sewing machines.  Did I buy one?  Nope.  I wanted a new fish tank so I looked at fish tanks.  Did I buy one?  Nope.  I wanted new pots and pans and then at this point I just said "fuck it" and didn't bother.

Damn it.

I am angry at ignorant people who don't take the time to validate facts.  Why this bothers me, I have no idea but it does.  If you are going to share a "fact" with the entire world, you should make damn sure that it is in fact, a fact.  Why spread stupidity?  WHY??????  My mother used to do this and it just pissed me off.

I am angry because my drive way is icy.  I mean "fall on your ass" icy and "break a hip" icy.  I am so sick of winter and it angers me.

I am angry that my phone broke.  I am so angry that I do not plan on replacing it any time soon.  Screw that....I don't want to talk to anyone anyway.

So, if you need me, I will be over in the corner, keeping to myself, with no phone.