There's a statement, huh?
Funny how such simple words can cut deep and scar long.
I heard the words a few days ago. In fact, my own dad said them to me.
I still have tears just typing them.
I was excited and was looking so forward to his visit. I don't see family much and I've been working long, crazy hours.
The visit didn't go as I had hoped or expected.
It was almost as if I was back in my childhood. A very unhappy time with two parents who fought often and harshly. Sometimes their anger towards each other spilled over onto us kids. In fact, I often think of my childhood as being inside of my own hurt locker.
I grew into an adult who craves to be loved and cared for. I grew into an adult who's unable to make a decision because she was never given the confidence. I grew into an adult who looks in the mirror and sees her long hair making her face look fat.
I know as a reader you might be thinking that my parents were horrible people but they really weren't. Looking back, I can understand their adult lives and emotions. Perhaps they parented the best they could. But even with understanding, it doesn't keep my child-self from hurting.
I do catch myself wishing that I had a different childhood. One where parents hug you and tell you that they are proud of you. One where mom and dad hug each other and speak to each other in normal tones.
Perhaps my dad didn't mean his words to be as hurtful as they were received.
As a parent, I don't ever say anything to my kids that cause them to second guess who they are. I tell them that they can choose to do or be anything that they want to be. I never make them feel stupid for trying to help with a project.
I hope my children never have to feel like they have a hurt locker.
