I have been having weird issues with headaches, dizzy spells, metal taste in my mouth, losing hair and abdominal pain. I saw the doctor today to rule out some things but nothing really got ruled out. I just have to see a different doctor on May 9th. I won't say too much about what is going on since I don't have the answers yet.
I can deal with it. Even though I am worried, I can deal with it.
She did discover that I have a sinus infection...still. I thought it was cleared up but apparently is it really good at trickery. So I have some huge horse pills to take.
Isn't that great?
So let's get to the point of this blog entry....
I come home from the doctor to find a letter in my mailbox. There was no return address and no signature on the letter.
The letter is anonymous.
It goes on to tell me that I need to make the decision to be happy. Apparently, I am not happy and this person gathers this from whatever I post on facebook.
Yeah, facebook drama....
I hate facebook but then again I can't turn away from it. Isn't that weird. I suppose that many people have this issue.
Moving on...
the writer of this letter also tells me to move on and to get over it. I guess I am angry all the time too.
hrrmmm
The writer of the letter talks about my mother and what she did to me. (look up narcissistic mothers and the damage that they do...just look). I'm not letting that go, not yet. My therapist said that it is ok for me to be angry about it. I am allowed to be pissed off and bitter and have negative feelings. There is some serious damage done and I am NOT letting that go. If that bothers you, then too bad. Too fucking bad....
I guess the writer says that I am passing this anger on to my children. Um, I don't think so. I have done a lot of work to not be the kind of mother I had. I allow them to follow their dreams and do what they love. I support them emotionally. I tell them every day that I love them. And if that is passing my anger on to them, then so what.
The writer also used the phrase "be happy" so many times, I wanted to vomit. Choose to be happy, just be happy, in fact....be happy were the last two words on the letter. Really? Just be happy? Is that all it takes? This person must be on some sort of medication or doesn't really understand depression.
If I don't make the choice to be happy then I guess I prefer to live my life in misery. Yep, that is what it says. Sounds like this person doesn't know diddly about me at all.
Also, the writer stated that my mother, me and my daughter are angry, bitter, drama queens.
Pfft....whatever.....
Oh and the very best part....wait for it.....
Wait
For
It
The writer says that I suck the good, the positive, and the happiness out of people because of my choices.
Yep....that right there just pissed me off.
So many people enjoy my company. They enjoy my conversation and my humor. I have an ability to take whatever stressful situation and put a funny spin on it. The doctor's office today was a great example. I can make my broken ovaries a very funny discussion.
If anything sucks, it has been numerous people and what they have done to me. I have been taken advantage of so many times. I guess that has been my choice in the past. I chose these people to be around and they sucked me out of my happiness. So, I no longer really talk to those people anymore.
The letter goes on the say that my father and my exes help me out and I have a nice place to live and blah blah fucking blah....and I should be grateful for it. I am grateful, really. All three of them really caused a lot of hurt in the past and I got over it and moved on. I forgave the cheater, the pansy and the leaver (I won't say who is who, just that all three of them left me and left me wounded.) I am grateful for my ability to forgive and my ability to ask for help. I am grateful that I can look past the past hurts and allow these three people to be a part of my life.
How's that for being grateful?
Therapy has been a very positive choice that I have made.
I have become so much stronger. I have realized that I am entitled to be angry and pissed off. I allowed to have feelings. I am also able to look in the mirror and see what a beautiful person I am despite all the negativity I have dealt with.
Apparently, what I write on the interwebs is always up for criticism. I never minded that. I don't really ever give two shits what anyone thinks. I am who I am. I am not here to impress anyone. I never cared about stuff like that. If you don't like me or what I say, that isn't my problem...it's yours.
This person could have sent me a nice card. Maybe something to cheer me up, you know, a card with puppies or kittens on it. They could have told me how pretty I am or how wonderful my kids are. Hell, they could have not bothered to send anything at all and kept their freaking stupid opinions to themselves. Now there's an idea.
So whoever wrote this letter and took the time to mail it, is a fucking coward. This person think they know me and all my crosses, all my hurts, all my smiles, all my thoughts and feelings.
They don't.
They suck at anonymity.
I know exactly who they are; a cruel, ugly, mean, horrible, stupid, heartless, little person.
and that made me happy to write that. :-)
