I put up a big bulletin board in my kitchen and tacked on pictures of houses, gardens, puppies and kittens and a trip to Niagara Falls. (shut up...I really want to see a big ass waterfall.)
I want my own house so I can create my own flower gardens. I want to have a dog and a cat. (I already have two guinea pigs.)
Ok, so now that I explained that....
I put an ad in the paper. I am looking for a house to rent to own or land contract. It was a small little ad with only 12 words and my phone number. I didn't think any one would call.
then...my phone rang....
A gentleman said that he bought a farmhouse on foreclosure and is in the middle of fixing it up. It has four bedrooms, two baths, a new furnace, water heater and ac unit. It sits on 6 acres of land with a barn and pond. He is willing to do a rent to own or land contract on the place. Would I be interested in seeing it?
Holy shit!
So, yeah...I looked at it. It is perfect. It would not cost any more than the rent I pay now. It would be bigger and quieter (I hate my current neighbors). I would be able to have flowers and animals.
Then I came home to my vision board.
I could have cried. I could have a house with gardens and have a dog and a cat and ducks too.
But then the fear set in....
FEAR!!!!
WTF?
I have heard life coaches talk about fear. Fear of change. Fear of failure. Fear of this and that....
Fear of what keeps us from realizing our dreams and goals.
So all day I have been listening to my inner voices try to reason with the fear. I keep hearing my mom "Jesus Christ, who is going to plow the snow or mow that yard?" "How are you going to deal with the water heater blowing up?" Mom was always quick to point out the negatives. She still does even though she is no longer here and it drives me bat shit crazy. I keep asking myself if I can do this.
I want to do this. I need to do this. I need to get past that fear and just say screw it, it ain't going to kill me.
At least I hope it won't.
:-S
