I guess I tend to stick with what I know and pretend to be happy.
Key word in the previous sentence is "pretend".
Pretending to be happy tend to get old and makes me grumpy and sad. I can only be grumpy and sad for so long before it eats at me until I am forced to make a change.
Change and courage go hand in hand for me.
It takes courage to change.
I have had so much change in the last couple of weeks. It is almost like change overload. So as I sit and write this, I am in kind of a fog.
I lost my mom a week ago today. She was diagnosed with cancer of the lungs, bones and adrenal glands back in August. We knew the end was coming but we always expected to have more time. I think everyone thinks that time is continuous in some sort of way. We tend to forget that time has a limit. It has been hard adjusting to this change. She isn't there anymore when I go to pick up the phone. She isn't there when I need to tell someone something grown up like. It is just weird.
I am not fond of this type of change.
The other change is today was my last day of my old job. I have been working for the same company for over 7 years. This was a record for me. I never intended to stay that long. It just sort of happened. My job was a big part of my life. If you think of it, when you spend 8 hours a day for five days a week for about 48 weeks a year (includes vacations and such). That's a lot of time in one place. Hell, I don't think I spend that much time at home even and I pay rent for this place. The job had its little changes. It became challenging but not enough to kept me there. I needed to change.
I was scared of this type of change.
But I did it.
I found a new job where I can meet new people and spread my wings a little. I needed less stress.
Change takes courage. We have to find the courage in ourselves to make that change. Sometimes that little voice that whispers "you got to do something about it" can be the scariest thing.
Sometimes we just need to take that leap.
