It rears its ugly head.
It seeps into my deepest crevasses and digs deep.
Sometimes it feels so physical, like it grips so tight.
I felt it coming. It was just a matter of time for it to start to really hurt.
Sometimes I cannot mentally prepare for it. I just have to let it come.
So I hurt.
I fail to understand some things. The why for what causes it.
Like "Why doesn't he talk to me anymore?" and "I feel like I am just not good enough." and also "I am not strong enough to cope."
My daily physical pain wears on me too. There is just never any complete relief.
The weather plays a part. I am tired of fighting the cold. Sick of the constant white backdrop.
Work is becoming mundane and repetitive. Waking at the ungodly hour of 3 am is wearing thin.
Instead of reaching for a razor this time, I find myself wanting to just disappear. I want to run and be unknown. I want to reinvent myself and not be the current me.
It's such a sad, lonely feeling.
There is no joy, no laughter, no happiness.....
only me and my depression....
