I can almost feel my insides shaking with it. It crawls under my skin.
I think anger is just an extension of my depression.
I stay depressed and then it manifests into something quite ugly. For some reason it gets to that level sometimes. I never really know what triggers the flip from one feeling to the other.
I am angry because my brother brings up my mom. It isn't his fault because he doesn't know the whole story of the narcissistic parent/daughter thing going on. I don't dare tell him because I don't think he would get it and that will just turn into something incredibly ugly.
I am also angry because I feel used. I loaned money to a "friend". (ya ya...I know the lecture) and of course this was a couple of years ago and he still hasn't paid me back. He was supposed to pay me back two months after I loaned it to him. Now I see him posting about going here and there and of course it requires spending money. Jackass.....
I am angry for not being able to allow myself to spend my very first bonus on something I want. I wanted a tv, so I looked at tvs. Did I buy one? Nope. I wanted a sewing machine, so I looked at sewing machines. Did I buy one? Nope. I wanted a new fish tank so I looked at fish tanks. Did I buy one? Nope. I wanted new pots and pans and then at this point I just said "fuck it" and didn't bother.
Damn it.
I am angry at ignorant people who don't take the time to validate facts. Why this bothers me, I have no idea but it does. If you are going to share a "fact" with the entire world, you should make damn sure that it is in fact, a fact. Why spread stupidity? WHY?????? My mother used to do this and it just pissed me off.
I am angry because my drive way is icy. I mean "fall on your ass" icy and "break a hip" icy. I am so sick of winter and it angers me.
I am angry that my phone broke. I am so angry that I do not plan on replacing it any time soon. Screw that....I don't want to talk to anyone anyway.
So, if you need me, I will be over in the corner, keeping to myself, with no phone.
