I don't write about it much or how I feel about it because once I do, I can't stop crying. (like now)
It has been a hard two months without her to talk to. I can't just call her up because I feel like it. I can't tell her how I like my new job or that I am thinking about buying a house. I can't tell her that I finally but my hair off. I can't tell her that she has a new grandpiggy.
It upsets me.
Lung cancer took her.
I get angry over that too. She could have stopped smoking. She could have taken better care of herself.
She won't be there for her grandkids' graduations or weddings.
This weekend we have to go through her things. That upsets me too. It feels like I am picking off a scab of a deep wound.
Ugh...
People say that she is around and can see what's going on but it isn't the same.
She isn't suffering anymore but those of us left behind are.
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