He comes into my dreams, uninvited.
Sometimes I find myself yelling at him. Sometimes I am crying. Sometimes we are back to where we were before everything turned wrong. Sometimes he is just there.
He haunts me still.
A year after.
He still has control and I cannot make him leave.
He is sleeping with my friends. He is telling me that he doesn't love me, over and over again.
How does this happen?
How does he still exist in my mind when he chose to leave a year ago? How does he continue to torment me? How does he manage to turn my thoughts into him? How does he control me from within?
I cannot control my dreams and maybe he knows this.
Perhaps my pain still lingers.
Unending.
He, he, he. But who is Julie?
ReplyDeleteUnless he's breaking and entering, he can't wake you up at night. You wake yourself up at night.
I want you to repeat this mantra when stuff like this happens:
He wasn't what I thought he was. He wasn't real. I lost something that wasn't real. I am real. I have me. What defines me?
You have a void to fill, and that isn't sexual innuendo. You can't fill it with a guy, or you risk getting hurt again. I don't want that, and you don't want that. You're a good, strong person. You need to love yourself, more than you value some guy. There's a lot of guys, but there's only one you.
Also: *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThe kind of hugs I had to solve a CAPTCHA for even!
Thanks Kevin and *hugs* back atcha
ReplyDelete