I've Never Met An Evil Atheist

My title in no way is intended to offend anyone.

I never judge anyone on their religion.  I never talk about my beliefs, however, I am a non believer.

With that being said....

Let's get on with what I really want to write about.

The last four weeks have been trying to say the least.  I cannot discuss what is really going on for the interwebs have eyes and I have someone who isn't very nice and is more than likely to use whatever against me.

However, I will discuss something that irks me.

There are Christians whom I have encounters who claim to be Christian but they seem to be the most awful, evil people out there.  They are openly judgmental and rude. They don't care who they hurt or how they present themselves.

But these people are Christians.  They hang pictures of Jesus in the home.  They tote bibles around with them.  They go to church every Sunday.

Blah blah blah....

I call bullshit on their fake ass facade.

Perhaps they do all these things in order to seek atonement for their sins.  They seek out forgiveness for the harm and hurt they cause others.

I refuse to go to church because I cannot sit among hypocrites.

I am sure there will be someone reading this who will say that all the bad things that have happened to me or will happen to me is because I am an atheist.

Nope.

The bad things that have happened to me usually stem from some Christian who cannot seem to follow God's word.

I refuse to believe in some higher power just to justify someone's idea of how to be a good person.

I am good and kind.  I empathize with others.  I know right from wrong.

I don't need religion to be that person.

This entry stems from my severe anger involving a current issue.  I am in no way claiming that all Christians are hypocrites and I am in no way claiming that Atheists are stellar citizens either.

I just wish we all just stop hurting each other.

Dear Mom...

Dear Mom,

I think this is the very first letter that I have ever written you.  Kind of strange but I have never really moved so far away to where I couldn't just pick up the phone and call you.  This time circumstances are very different.  You are the one who is very far away and I don't believe there are any phones where you are.

I have always been a big letter writer.  Well, you knew that already since you had to put stamps and addresses on every letter I wrote until I was old enough to do it myself.

We scattered your ashes in your favorite fishing spot.  It was the very first time that I was ever there.  It is quite amazingly beautiful and quiet.  You should be at peace there.  It was hard to do.  It is hard to say good bye to someone that I have known my whole entire life.

Mom, I haven't really mourned your death yet.  It has been almost 11 months and I have not allowed myself to cry or mourn.  It is weird.  I think that if I really stopped to do it, I may never stop.  It doesn't mean that I don't think of you.  I think of you every day.  I think of what you are missing.  I think of the cancer that took you away.  I think about how sometimes I wish I could just call you.

Maybe I am mourning you.  I don't know.  I never had a mom die before.

I am thankful that I did get to talk to you the morning on the day you died.  I am thankful that I got to tell you that I loved you one last time and I am also thankful that I got to hear that you loved me too.  That was most important since I couldn't be there when you left.  

I went through all the cards that people sent us expressing their sympathy.  It is strange to look at them now and think that they offered their sympathy then but now we (your family) still hurt and miss you.  

I also went through the slides that I got from you.  It is so strange to look at them now and remember what it was like to be a child and looking at you younger than I am now.  They are good memories.  Thank you for giving me the slides.

I know that I am angry.  I am angry at the cancer that took you.  I am angry at you for not going to the doctor sooner.  I am angry at the cigarettes.  I am angry that there wasn't more time.  I am angry that you will miss life events.  I am just still angry.

I wish I could write more and tell you everything but I am crying now. (I guess I am mourning, eh?)

I miss you so much.

Love,

Me

My mom

Mom's final resting place

Mom's ashes being scattered