A Walk Among the Dead

 

I walked among the dead today.  I always have found peace in an old cemetery.  The headstones bear witness to so many years of change.  Weather worn and broken, they are testimonials of those who have walked this earth and those who were loved.

When walking in this particular cemetery, I realized that many of the stones weren't any older that the last 1800's.

Sad really....

No flowers adorn them.  Not anything that tells us that these people are remembered any longer.

I touch the stones as if they would speak to me.  Wishing I could hear the voices of long ago.  

There were babies laid to rest.  There were spouses who were loved and cherished.  I didn't see anyone who was over the age of 67.

Times were hard then, harder than now. 

Looking online at the records for this cemetery told some stories of those who are buried here.

I wondered if I was the only one to visit these graves.  Are there others who come?

Often I wonder about my own mortality.  I am not afraid of death.  I had already died once.  Many have gone before me.

I am afraid of being buried.  My wishes are not to be left in a box in the ground.  Do not put a marker where I am.  Scatter my ashes to the wind and let me go.

I do not want to be left where no one will remember me.  I do not want my headstone to crumble.

Remember me as I am now.

A butterfly came to me as I was walking.  I stopped to watch it.  I felt a peaceful energy from it.  

The cemetery where I took these pictures is the Schoolcraft Cemetery in Calumet, MI.  

This was the first time that I had really walked around.

The following are just the pictures that I took.

Back to the Begining

 

I always knew that I was going to move once my youngest was done with high school.  I was living in a town for 22 years and still felt like an outsider.  Not by anyone's fault.  It was just a town that was small and everyone knew everyone.  I just didn't fit in.

It also didn't help that I was divorced in this small town and my ex lived within walking distance.  He also married a nut job and frankly, I didn't like running in to her. (Yes, he married the nut job from this post.)

I wasn't exactly sure where I was going to go but I did know, I wasn't staying.

I took a trip out to Phoenix, AZ to visit my very dear friend.  I wanted to see if I could possibly call it home.  I booked my flight and in March I went.  This was at the very beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic.  Toilet paper was in short supply and spring training for baseball was cancelled.  I was concerned that I might not be able to get home.  But then again, it would have made the moving decision easy.

I loved Arizona.  It is very beautiful and Scottsdale is so inspiring for a creative mind.  I thought that maybe I could live there.  But then I remembered....it gets hot.  I know, I know, its a dry heat.  I don't care.  When it is 120 degrees, it is still hot.  I'm not a huge fan of hot.

I came back to Wisconsin with fond memories that I will keep close.  I will go back again.

But I still was wondering where to go.

Katie was graduating soon and I wanted to move before it got to be close to winter.  I don't like moving in the winter.

I had thought about moving to Appleton or Green Bay.  I would still be close to my daughter.  My son recently moved to lower Michigan and he wouldn't be too far.  I looked at apartments and jobs but something just wasn't there.  I didn't feel like that was the right choice either.

I was joking with my sister and she said I could come live in her basement.  That would have been a good idea except I don't think her husband could put up with both of us.  Then our talk became more serious.

I decided to move home.

Home being Upper Michigan, Yooperland, Copper Country....

The more I planned, the more excited I got.  My friends and family were there.  I could easily find a job at Walmart until I figured out what I really wanted to do.

I set the plan in motion.

In September, I accepted a job with Walmart.  The Walmart where I first started in an empty building in 1994.  I then scheduled some apartment showings.

I saw one apartment and at my first steps in, my eyes teared up.  I kept apologizing to the landlord.  I felt that this was home.

That evening I joined my life long friends at their camp along the shores of Lake Superior.  I had only planned to stay for dinner as it had been a long day.  As I sat and watched the waves roll and chatted with my friends I truly felt as if I was home.  It was getting late and we were laughing about something so funny that we worried about our bladders, tears rolling down and holding stomachs, I overheard my friend's husband say "there is a lot of healing happening here".

How true that sounded.

After so many years of hurt feelings, failed relationships, heartbreak, trauma, hard work, raising kids as a single parent, I truly felt I was home.

It has been about three months that I've been back.  I've seen my sister more in the last four weeks than I have in the last four years.  I've hung out with friends and enjoyed the pleasure of deck drinking in November.  I've met new friends.  I've received many hugs and welcome homes.

It is so good to be back to the beginning.