I expected it this time.
I have never hidden the fact that I suffer greatly from depression. This isn't new news. Sometimes I feel that it is old news and I whisper to myself, "People are really sick of hearing about your shit, Julie".
Oh well, my blog...my shit. If you are sick of it, why are you reading? :-)
Anyway, back to my day.
I am somewhat embarrassed to say it (write it) out loud...and I keep stalling, can you tell?
So...
I guess I will just say it.
I got fired today.
So what does this have to do with depression?
Well, besides the risk of adding to it; it also is the cause of it.
I stopped giving a shit. I didn't catch it or heed the warning signs. I just stopped giving a shit and it showed.
I haven't been this bad in a very long time.
The last time I stopped giving a shit at work, I lost the job and it catapulted me into a brand new life in a new state with new adventures. That was 1998.
I didn't cry and carry on after I was let go. I accepted the fact, packed up my desk and proceeded to move on. I didn't even cry when I ran out of gas on the way home.
It is almost comical in a strange sort of way.
It is 1:30 in the morning and I am not tired. I am not sad. I am not melancholy. I am not sobbing "oh poor poor me". I am not even stressing about what to do next.
Nope
I am writing...well and also toggling back and forth between tabs because I found this...
I am going to be freaking famous someday
Some times things happen for a reason. Yeah yeah...I know everyone says this to make a bad situation seem not so bad but in all seriousness...
I stopped giving a shit for a reason.
I just wasn't happy. Happiness is important, sometimes more important than other things. Life is just too short.
The job was a job that I wasn't passionate about. It didn't tap into my creative side. In order to be happy, I need to have passion and creativity.
I know it did pay the bills but I did move to a reasonably priced apartment (that's another thing that happened for a reason). I can survive until I figure stuff out.
This is all a weird feeling because I thought that as a victim of depression, this would have sent me over the edge...spiraling out of control and dialing up the therapist the second I got into my car (lord knows I had time since I was waiting for eternity for someone to rescue me).
Nope, I have a sense of relief.
