In a few hours I was born 48 years ago.
I struggle a bit with this birthday for some reason. I'm not turning 50 or 60. I wasn't angry when I turned 40. For some odd reason, I hate the fact that I will be 48.
Mom has been gone for over 4 years now. Her telling the story of my birth resonates in my mind. We used to get drunk on red wine and she would tell the tale of being in labor, wanting that last cigarette four times, making my dad drive all over looking at lights, the doctor being MIA and the nuns putting her to sleep.
I popped out 48 minutes after midnight.
I am almost positive that if the events didn't happen, my birthday would be today.
I think the main reason that this birthday upsets me is the fact every day when I walk into work, there is a countdown to Christmas. This countdown also is to my birthday. This countdown reminds me of the days to when my mom isn't here to tell the story of my birth.
Jesus may have his story told over and over.
I miss mine.
Today I came home from a long day at work. I trudged up the stairs with my groceries, looking forward to being home in the quiet. I even bought new candles to put that relaxing scent in the air that is recommended by the latest articles on rest and relaxation. I trotted back down to my mailbox in the hallway since my hands were full earlier. I made the guinea pigs their "nummies", gave Nemo the cat his head scratches and treats, then I sat down to read my emails and munch on my dinner.
I know, I am just a bundle of excitement, don't be jealous of that.
I glanced over and remembered that I had mail. I like getting mail for some dumb reason. I don't even care if it is bills. I am kind of strange like that.
I opened my letters. I was so happy to see my new health insurance cards. The best thing about working so hard and getting promoted to full time is the benefits for my family.
I left the bigger envelope unopened. It didn't have a return address but it had a local postmark. I was curious but I waited anyway. I don't recall why.
The envelope laid on the floor next to the couch until my episode of Roseanne was over. Did you know Netflix has Roseanne? I love that show.
I picked it up and opened it. There was a single piece of paper folded in three and I wondered why someone would put that in a big envelope and pay the extra postage. Duh...
Once I unfolded the letter and saw that it was a print out of a joke that I posted on Facebook (I know, social media drama) on the 27th of December.
"A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought 'What would Jesus do?' so I turned it into wine... Well, I bought wine."
It was just some joke I read somewhere and it made me chuckle. So I just shared it.
Now, I never worry about offending anyone because, Facebook is what it is. No one would post anything if that were the case. People post the dumbest shit, me included.
Anyway, back to my story.
On the paper was a handwritten note that basically said the reason that horrible things happen to me is because I wasn't a good person and kept the $20. Oh and, when was I going to get it, it isn't all about me.
This was NOT signed.
Ack! Another anonymous note....
If you missed it...here's a link to the first note.
Anonymity is a Voice of Cowards
Of course this upset me.
This is such a shitty thing to do. I mean, write a letter based on a joke that I posted assuming that I actually kept a $20 bill and bought wine.
First of all, I would not have done any such thing.
Second of all, if I had...I would have bought something a little stronger than wine.
(I kid, please don't send me a nasty note)
In all fairness, if this anonymous person knew me at all, they would understand that I do just about anything for anyone. I have helped friends in pain. I have loaned money to a friend when he needed help. I have made gifts for friends fighting cancer. I have donated my time and money for good causes. I have rescued turtles from a busy highway. I have send kind messages and cards to people who needed uplifting.
Now, I do things not to shine bright in the eyes of God. I do things like this because it is the human thing to do, the kind thing to do.
The thing that really upsets me is that this person takes the time to send this anonymous, hateful thing to me and thinks that it is going to change me. If anything, it makes me want to keep on being me.
I hate to break it to you, but it is about me. It is my Facebook page, my blog, my little corner of the interwebs and if you don't like what I have to say, post, comment, whatever....you can kindly block me or stop reading the shit I post. It is that simple.
I like who I am.
Sending me a letter by mail without signing it gives it absolutely no validation in my eyes. It is basically void.
You know, shitty things happen. It is how life is. I know this.
It isn't because Jesus hated my joke. It isn't because God is causing me to suffer.
It is because it is how life is.
Do you think children suffer from cancer because they posted a joke about Jesus and $20?
Honestly, I am not sure that Jesus would know what a $20 bill looks like. His time was so long ago and he is from a completely different country.
This person also assumes that I am even a believer in God, Jesus and Heaven.
Never assume anything about anyone.....
Seriously
Now, I am not admitting whether I am a believer or not. If you truly know me and know what I am all about, you would already know the answer to this.
Also, if this person who wrote the letter to me was a true Christian, would this be a very christian thing to do?
Take a moment to think about that for a second.
This person who wrote the letter seems to be very interested in what I post, say or do. They don't "unfriend" me or tell me that I suck and admit who they are.
They hide behind the curtain of anonymity thinking that this will show me a thing or two. I am assuming (I know, I shouldn't assume but I am anyway) that this is the same person that sent me the other anonymous letter back in April.
This person is still a coward. This person is probably the most unchristian, unhuman, unkind person I know (or not know).
If this person's goal was to hurt me, they failed.
You see, if anyone is making it all about me, it is this anonymous person.
By the way.....The police now have the letter.
