It has been 3009 days since I was in a relationship. That's a little over 8 years.
God, I sound like I just stood up at an AA meeting.
The ending of that relationship winged me a bit, sort of knocked me of the horse, took the wind out of my sails.....
You get the picture.
I don't think that was the whole reason to choose not to date though.
You see, I had therapy. (insert winky face)
I actually had really good therapy. After the ending of that relationship, I sought help to find out why I was choosing the same man over and over again to be connected with.
Now, there is a whole lot of psychobabble and what for as to why I stayed single for so long but I will put it in a nut shell.
(I must admit, there is a long pause here that you can't really see because I have to try to put a lot of stuff in a tiny nut shell.)
Maybe I won't try to nut shell it..... still pausing....
But I did choose men who either cheated or just disappeared on me.
Yes, disappeared. (That's a whole other story.)
I had to spend time with myself to get to know the real me in other to understand what I should look for in a partner. I have to understand my own needs and wants and not give into the "dealbreakers" in order to just be with someone.
I bet at this point you are wondering when I would start talking about sex, eh?
For the last 8 years, I have been looking within myself for the things that I can offer someone freely and discover my own happiness on my own. With that being said, I still needed sex.
Not many people would willingly admit that but come on...we all need to have some sort of contact with...well....you know.
I had a certain friend who I saw on occasion for a meeting of the, er, um "minds". A chance to unwind and not worry about all the other crap that affects us on a daily basis.
It worked for 8 whole years.
I knew that I couldn't give 100% to a relationship and I understood that he couldn't give 100% to a relationship and we came to the conclusion that we would just give each other what we needed at the time and that was that.
Was it hard to not "catch feelings"? Oh yes, but you can still care for someone without saying the "L" word out loud. We just had to accept the terms of our relationship and carry on as such.
The one thing that was easy about the sex is that we knew where we stood. The expectation was clear . There were no unsaid words and no assuming anything other than a roll in the hay. It was very doable.
So where am I going with all this....
Recently a friend said "sex is easy, relationships are hard".
Oh how true that is.
The sex part of it was so damn easy.
Relationships are hard.
and scary
To put you vulnerabilities out there for someone to accept is very terrifying.
What is they don't like me on my bad days?
Oh and what about that word???? You know....
The "L" word.
To love someone is amazing yes, but you also risk getting your heart broken.
Who in the hell wants to go through that?
in my case....again.
You have to show your faults and needs and desires and life with someone to love them. It's scary and it's hard.
It can also be beautiful.
It all depends on how much of a gamble you are willing to take.
Sex is such a small part of a relationship.
But it's the easy part.
