Since writing that entry, I have received several messages from people I didn't expect. It was nice to hear that I am not alone and that I am truly cared for.
I didn't write it for attention or for any sincere comments. I wrote it for others to understand that they do not suffer alone. I wrote it for those who thought what they were feeling was unusual or weird. I also wrote it for those who do not understand what it is like to suffer with depression.
I received a call from someone close to me. They thought that I shouldn't have written it and/or shared it with anyone.
This was upsetting.
It took some courage to express what I was feeling. It also helped me out of the black hole.
If what I write saves one person from jumping off the cliff, then I think that it was the right thing to do.
I am feeling a little better as of this writing. It takes time to heal.
I did call my doctor. These feelings of self harm have been strong. We have come to the conclusion that because of being taken off my birth control, it has caused some serious hormonal imbalances.
The last episode of insanity happened about this same time last month.
No joke.
I damn near lost someone who means the world to me just because my brain decided to malfunction and my voice of reason took a vacation.
I didn't write about it. I didn't talk about it. But it happened.
I am thankful for their understanding and forgiveness. A true friend is a very valuable treasure.
My doctor and I have decided to monitor my imbalance with no change in medication. If we don't allow the hormones to find a way to chill on their own, we may need to address it again.
For now, I have a support system in place. My system includes carrying the suicide hotline number with me at all times.
For now, I have survived another battle but still continue to fight the war.
Suicide Prevention Hotline
800-273-8255
It takes a lot of courage to face our battles and share the times of pain. I am so glad you are moving out of the darkness. I will continue to pray for you!
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