I'm Tired

I'm tired.  Not just a sleepy kind of tired.

I'm tired of feeling lost and disconnected.  I try to find some sort of direction but often find myself in circles.

I'm tired of living this mundane life with the same day over and over again.  I keep thinking that it will change but it never ever does.

I'm tired of being alone and feeling lonely.  I have so much to give but there seems to be no one who wants to receive.  There isn't anyone to talk to and it seems that my dog is the only one happy to see me at the end of the day.

I'm tired of the struggle of being on my own.  I have no one to to share the heavy load of running a home.  

I'm tired of fighting depression.  Every day seems to big a huge struggle to get out of bed and put on a fake face that hides the demons that haunt me.

I'm tired of giving it my all only to be shot down time after time.  My accomplishments are never recognized and the only time I hear anything is when I am failing.

I'm tired of crying.

I'm tired of feeling like I want to curl up into a tight ball hoping that I just disappear.

I'm tired of trying to be strong.  The knot between my shoulders grows tighter every single day.

I'm tired of just being me.  Sometimes the thought creeps in. the very thought of ending everything.

I'm tired of being afraid to reach out for help.  Help can be expensive.  Have you ever had to pay for therapy?

I'm tired of shit just going all kinds of wrong.

I'm just so tired.