If Wishes Were Horses Then Beggars Would Ride

Sometimes I sit and just wish....

I wish I was taller sometimes.  It seems like I am three inches too short to reach just about anything.  Why in the heck do they put two liters up so high at the local Piggly Wiggly?  I just stand there and sigh and say a little prayer that I won't just drop one on my head as I try to finaggle (yes, that's a word) it out of its spot and into my cart.

I wish I were prettier sometimes.  I look in the mirror at my poor tired face and think I just looked better about 10 years ago.  Life really takes its toll on a woman's face.  Just sayin...

I wish I were richer sometimes.  Not just with money but with wealth.  It seems that I don't have much of anything.  I don't have an estate.  They do say money can't buy happiness but I don't think I would be sad sitting in a big house with no payment.  I also don't think I'd miss my job much.  It tend to make me tired.

I wish I had more friends that lived closer and wanted to do shit.  I basically sit at my job all day (looking tired) and then I go home and sit (looking tired) alone.  I don't interact with anyone other than my kids.  I don't go to a Saturday bridge club nor do I go bowling.  I don't do much of anything except spend time with myself.

I wish I could just go some where else.  I get tired of being some where.  I watch that House Hunters show where these people just leave the life they are living to live another life some where else that is different.  I think, "Wow, such new experiences and cultures."  I was to just go do that.

I wish my kids got along better.  They bicker and argue.  This makes me tired (and have a headache).  They aren't very tolerant of each other.  I keep thinking that things will get better as they get older but so far they are just older.

I wish I could have spent more time with my mom before she died.  I regret not just going to spend time with her.  Instead I stayed here with no friends and my crappy job (my old job that made me not only tired but angry).  I should have just left here and went there.

I wish I could have explained to my mom how therapy was working.  She would have just got defensive though and probably angry and most likely would have stopped talking to me.  She got mad at everyone else including her mom and sisters and my dad and other people and just stopped talking to them.  She made it difficult to be me sometimes.

I wish I was skinnier.  I know I should diet and exercise and all that crap but I don't.  It is my fault but still, I can wish for it.  I wish french fries made you drop the pounds.

I wish I could be with someone who wouldn't just leave me or cheat on me or just be a real douche bag.  This tends to prevent me from dating.  It also makes me lonely.  Maybe this is why I got the three damn cats.  This is why women get cats.  They get tired of being hurt.  I wish this wasn't the case, but it is.  

I wish I was happier.  I need to find out what exactly makes me happy.  I need to find a passion or have a goal or something.  

I wish I could write a fabulous book that allowed me to do tours and be on stage to talk about the crap in my book.  People would always want to come listen to what I have to say because I am witty and wise. 

I wish my asthma would go away.  I cough so hard sometimes that it feels like my brains will explode out my mouth and leave me dead right there on the street.  My chest hurts and it makes me tired.

I wish I could go back in time and just do what I wanted to do instead of what others wanted me to do.  I would have made mistakes.  I probably would have had regrets.  I most likely would have failed a few times.  I just would have been better than wondering "what if".

I wish I wasn't so tired sometimes.

I just wish....

Birth of Inspiralicious

I started creating.

again....

I was withdrawn and quiet for awhile.  I removed my older writings and wasn't going to write anymore.  I basically took my toys and went home.

but...

I have always written.  I never considered myself a great writer.  I can't spell.  I can't use good english (despite the very fact that my mom taught english).  I always thought that no one gives a rodent's behind about what I wrote.

I just wrote for me.  Basically writing for me is like a mind dump.  Things and thoughts roll around in my blonde head with no where to go except out, onto (into) my computer.  I share because I can.  It is like talking to myself in a crowded public place with no one really paying attention to me but then I feel like I am talking to someone.

I digress....

Anyway, I started creating stuff.  I needed an outlet for all my pent up feelings and yucky stuff.  What happened is that I started creating beautiful and fun things.  I enjoy coming home from a day of work and sitting on my living room floor and make a huge mess of bead boxes, wire, tools and what have you and just create jewelry.

I hardly wear jewelry.  Hell, I am wearing the earrings that my ex-husband gave me back in 1999.  These suckers stay put and don't hurt.  I tried bracelets but they get in the way and necklace feel like they are chocking me.  I know, weird eh?

I also make affirmation mirrors.  They have writing on them that says stuff like "You are beautiful and you are wonderful" so that when you look into them, you are reminded that you are worth celebrating.  These mirrors stem from my downturn into the pits of self pitty and feelings of worthlessness and all that crappy stuff.  I created them not only for me but for others who are feeling yucky about themselves.

Sometimes life bites your behind but them you need to find a way to put a band aid on it and carry on.

So, my fun, pretty, wonderful, creative stuff can be found here:

Inspiralicious (click here)